Saturday, July 30, 2011

Oh, Been Abysmal

Blog post # 216:
(216 = 2*2*2*3*3*3 = 6*6*6,
The Beast!.)

Almost A Fulcrum

Burned By Rot

Unremembered Fission


Anagrams, if you can call them that:

Oh, been abysmal.
shabby lame one

(That refers to me, I guess.)


I mental-sag
as a melting.


If humanity devolves because we lose our BO, this would be the...
de-scent of mankind.

(Ugg, super-ugg.)

Damn it, oh, damn it, I'm depressed.
First, I have a sense of doom about the future (starting with the almost inevitable default by the US government in a couple days, continuing with SO MUCH MORE horrible things happening over the near and far futures).

Then, on top of that, I am depressed because my life is basically worthless -- worthless both to society and to myself. I USED to have dreams for the future, but now I don't even have the desire or the ability to fulfill any of them. I used to think I was so amazing, that I had so many talents and potential. Now, I know that I am nothing but a failure. Even most losers have more to show for their lives than I do. At least they have shitty jobs and ugly significant-others. But me? Not even.

I know I've told you all this before. And I know it is getting quite old. But I can't even come up with a better thing to write about in my blog, I am such a failure. And, damn it, what am I supposed to do about it? No one I talk to is much help. Or I won't allow them to help me, is more like it, because I am too lazy to do anything about my situation.

And the coming collapse for all of humanity doesn't help things either, since I couldn't do anything about that even if I wasn't lazy.

I wish people -- including me, and especially those in power -- would just STOP BEING SO STUPID!

I mean, is there any reason to not be lazy anymore if we are all going to burn up from climate-change or nuclear war anyway?

I don't know. Maybe my lack of knowledge of the future is part of my problem, though it definitely isn't all of it.


Poem, written yesterday:
(This poem is highly unoriginal. But it fits in with my mood, given the coming collapse.)

Damned Reality

This damned reality is
quite a hellish blob.
It expands and transects,
then it engulfs me.
Thus it is my dream
and its froth. It is
The vile imagination of
such meaning, of such
meaninglessness endured.
For, into
That molten steam,
we are singed and
Viciously unremembered.
But our hatred
Encloses us within
its fission. It burns
Our truth, yet
we still rot. Ah, damned
Is our sanctum
once conjured from purpose.
But now we do protrude
unto our punishment.
Ah, soon we will be
only apathetic and
Countered. Soon
we will fail in our triumphs;
We will fail in our sorrow;
we will fail in our
redemption never gained.




Nanoinfinity said...

"de-scent of mankind."


"Then, on top of that, I am depressed because my life is basically worthless -- worthless both to society and to myself."

I wish I had some magically inspirational things to say to you here, Leroy. But I don't, not really. Except that being alive is better than being dead, because when you're alive you have life, something that the dead don't have. Something that most of the matter in this universe doesn't have.

And also,

You're highly intelligent and compassionate - the two most important traits for a human to have, IMO. Far from being worthless, you help balance out the stupidity, the greed and the bloodlust in this world. I think that counts for something... <3

Amorphous Trapezoid said...

Thanks, nano. The greed, stupidity, and bloodlust in the world, though, overwhelms me, at least sometimes. We need more people like YOU too, you know, to balance things in this universe. <3

Christie said...

In addition to what Nano said, I would like to add that your sense of humor is fantastic, and that improves MY life!

Also, I think I understand about how the impending collapse of humanity can make everything seem so pointless and awful. But hey, at least we can laugh. Ha!