Thursday, December 10, 2009


Blog post # 23:

Made this picture today:

"Spectra Of Theoretical Smoke".


Why is "slippery" the adjective form of "slip"?
"Slippery" sounds like it means "related to or similar to a slipper".
We should instead say, if something slips or causes slipping, that that something is "slippish" or is "slippy".
As in: "The icy sidewalk was slippish".
That's my opinion.

You know what word I like, but I don't like what the word stands for?
Also, I like the word "spillage", but I don't want any spillage.
"Spillage", it rhymes with "pillage".
Pillage is also a word I like the sound of (although not as much as I like the sound of "spillage"), but I don't like what the word refers to.


Okay, time to get serious.
Time to get... cRaZy!!!...

Insanity is the topic for today.
I have been diagnosed with OCD. I am on medicine for that, and the prescription drugs have been helping.
But today I had some... slippage... back into the other side of sanity.
Just a little bit, yes, but enough to lead me to write about it here as a form of self-therapy.
(Talking to myself. -- Why do crazy people talk to themselves? Because they can't always afford to pay someone else to listen...)

So, I get these "evil" images and thoughts in my mind. They are not really evil -- they are just ordinary pictures or people I have seen in a magazine or newspaper or on TV or whatever, and I arbitrarily declare them "evil". Why do I do this? Don't know really, for different reasons. I can't really help it, at least when my drugs are wearing off.
So, then I feel like I have to cast a magic spell on myself -- just because I am feeling down about something, and I feel out of control.
But to do this, I have to think of a "good" picture or name or person or whatever.
Today I thought of this picture I made:

But then, INEVITABLY, the "evil" thoughts intrude on my "good" thoughts. Every time I try to think, just for a couple seconds straight, of a good image, the evil image gets in my head.
This happened today when I was on my walk, so that I stand there with my eyes closed and my ears plugged, looking quite mad. (I AM mad.)

Then, I finally get things straight. (Yay!) But a red car just happens to drive by. Red cars are a bad omen. If a red car drives by, that means I have to do the "spell" all over again.

So, finally I finish, no evil thoughts, no red cars. Yay! Hopefully I can stop doing this nonsense for a long period of time now.

I realize that I must seem like a freaking madman to you all.
(Now, now. The term "madman" is politically incorrect!
The correct term is "mad-PERSON"!...)

But YOU seem crazy to me when you go to church like clockwork and pray (cast spells) to an invisible "god", and when you say you believe in "angels" and "demons" and all that.

You have your rituals. I have mine. Deal with it.


Leroy Quet


Anonymous said...

In reference to you calling yourself a madperson, I would have to agree with you since earlier in your writing you did state in parenthesis "I AM mad". But perhaps I am splitting hairs...

Simply put, what I took from your commentary is that everyone has their rituals and who is anyone to judge another's choices or rituals. Uninformed critisism is worse than direct critisism and it's ignorant. Where I would challenge the "ritual" as being a negative thing comes into play when I look at the quality of life for a person. In religion you have those that take things to an extreme, such as Charles Manson, The Ripper Crew, or Heaven's Gate, to name a few. When the ritual causes harm, be that mental, emotional, physical, it is unhealthy and needs intervention. Likewise, with OCD rituals, if it causes harm or makes life impossible to truly live, intervention is helpful. For example, the slippage you went through is ok because you were able to regain control. If it got to the point where you were terrified to leave your home because of all the red cars or potential red cars, that is a concern for your well being. If you were frantically cleaning the house over and over without sleeping or eating and refused to stop, again this is a concern for your well-being.

In short, unless you are at risk or placing another person at risk, it is disgusting to judge another's rituals, especially without even knowing the person.

~Erin Tweed

Anonymous said...

All rituals are maddening in introspect. I'm an introvert/extrovert. Confused? I hide in my own padded cell. It's my padded cell of my making for my mad sanity. If you've been there, you understand the OCD of my padded cell. I force myself to extrovert. When I have to, I OCD there in my way. It all is compulsive for me. Throwing me in side and overdoing it all. I freeze too. Can't write, speak, do anything except think for long hours.

I am OCD. I may be other things. My tests aren't in.