Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Freak Out

Blog post # 83:


Quanta Tilting

Pivots For Fulcra

Vicinity Of Increments


Well, I had another mental freak-out yesterday afternoon. I realized when it was over that I needed to engage in those weird angry repetitions of my thoughts because I feel like I've lost control over everything. The news has been SO ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE lately, with fascism taking over our country and much of the world. And I really feel like we are literally doomed. HOW IN THE HELL will it EVER get better!?!?

It WON'T get better! Not until we are all dead!

So, I am feeling out of control. This is the same feeling of frustration and hopelessness that led me to become anorexic when I was a teenager, I think perhaps. Not sure, but perhaps.
And it is the same feeling of helplessness that drives me to "willfully" be celibate.
I need SOME control in my life over something, even if that one thing I do have control over is my sexual expression. Right now I don't even have control over my own thoughts, it seems.

Sorry, no more today.
(Ah, shucks, Leroy.)



Amber said...

Oh, Leroy. I don't like it when you feel bad. Maybe you should just not watch the news or read new posts for a couple of days until that feeling of helplessness passes. Come to the coffeeshop with us and have some fun conversation.

I will even let you control the topic - okay?


Amorphous Trapezoid said...

I'm feeling better already!...

Lily Seymour said...

Try shifting your thoughts to something positive whenever you're feeling sad... also connecting with nature helps, take a long walk in the park and listen to the birds sing... they're always happy.

Legacy2000 said...

What she said.

Amorphous Trapezoid said...

Note: Legacy may be referring either to Amber's comment or to Lily's.
Thanks everyone.

Legacy2000 said...

What Amber said.

Christie said...

One positive thing you can control is the type of pizza you order at Angelo's. You are a pizza master. Also, your chocolate bark ideas. That is another positive thing to obsess over. (I swear I haven't forgotten the butter rum!) I've also found that literally hugging trees is really comforting. I'm serious about that, too. We should go for a hike and hug some trees. I love that one of your commenters mentioned connecting w/ nature. That is so undervalued.

I know, it's not that easy, just to hug a tree or think about pizza...